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The Aztecs did it, your neighbor probably does it, and I’m sure the Pope also gets down in the dragon’s lair. Anyway, the point is, don’t feel ashamed of your masochism. They were fuckin’ pioneers… before they all got killed by white pioneers. The name “avocado” is derived from an old Aztec word for testicle. If you ever beat off with IcyHot and enjoyed the experience, fucking guacamole is for you. The capsaicin will also burn your dick off. Make sure your guac recipe has lots of jalapenos. For you sadists and masochists, guacamole fucking is what’s known as the dragon’s lair. Now stick your tiny penis in the oatmeal.įeeling adventurous? Probably, if you just fucked oatmeal. The cold milk will cool the searing hot oatmeal just enough. Just enough to get a cookie dough consistency. Is it cooked? Good, stir in some cold milk. Then come back here and receive instructions on what to do with your package. We are slightly more dignified than that. You can’t just go around fucking Cheerios, now, can you? No. A bowl of oatmeal provides just enough friction and just enough warmth and gooeyness to simulate sex with cereal. Most cereal bowls are pretty shallow, and anyone over 4 inches doesn’t really want to bump their dickhead into ceramic. You need to find the best receptacles for your genitals. But, you can’t just fuck any old thing in the house. Sooner or later, you find yourself fucking these objects.
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You start talking to yourself, having conversations with walls and inanimate objects. Loneliness does strange things to people.